I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
