It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
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