Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Randomize
