So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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