I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
