here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
