so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
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I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
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I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
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