i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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