Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Randomize
