now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
