from now on my penis is your penis
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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