So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
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