So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Randomize
