yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
