I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
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He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
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So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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