HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Randomize
