Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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