Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
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