I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
tonight lets celebrate not being married
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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