Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
