I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
