there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
