is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Randomize
