dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
