Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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