i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Randomize
