ya dads aren't the best wingmen
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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