You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
