So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Only a mothe r could love this liver
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
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