I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
no, he came in my armpit
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
It's never too late to be topless.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
