Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
