i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
