You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
