1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
from now on my penis is your penis
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
