he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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