While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize