the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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