Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
