The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
