woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Randomize
