Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Too much gin, very little bucket
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
