The maid of honor just puked.
i need an iv and a liver transplant
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
