Yo dont text me then not text me
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Randomize
