currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
