shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
