I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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