david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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