it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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