I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
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