Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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