My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
a search helicopter?!
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize