he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
