so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Is it penis luge time yet?
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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