Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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