are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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