My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
That's how pantless uber rides happen
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
