i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize