You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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